Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
