She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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