This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
