I just pynch a tree in the face
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The ass gains better be worth it
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