FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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