I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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