hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
