you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize