drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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