I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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