"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
