i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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