for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
