I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
