But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
