I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I need to stop coming to work sober
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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