that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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