I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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