Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
