is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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