I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
