Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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