It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
