dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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