Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
