i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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