I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
