im about as happy as oj after his trial
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
