I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
