Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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