I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
