I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
