a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
