Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
