I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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