Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
