just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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