I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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