Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
