So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
