the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to walk on stilts...naked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
