She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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