No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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