I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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