I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
