This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
