Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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