she woke up with a sticky ear
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
