We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
