Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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