I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm at about main and main street
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
