He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
