I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think your dad took our porno
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
