There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
