you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
