I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
