He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
