OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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