did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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