my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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