Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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