The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
