my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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