is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
