I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
