i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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