i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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