apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
