the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
