He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
