Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
