i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
