So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
