Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
